Please contact us
with corrections
or breaking news
Korea: Where’s the Romance? by Lauren Jiang
Asian couples often show affection by dressing similarly: this particular team is Chinese but the affectation is also very popular in Korea. photo: courtesy Wall Street Journal
DESPITE THE MELODRAMATIC TELE-
vision shows running rampant or the fact that most K-pop songs are about love, it looks like adults in South Korea aren’t choosing to have families. At least, not like how they used to.
With the rapid economic growth Korea achieved in the past 50 years, citizens are working harder than ever, oddly enough, and they turning from building families to building professions.
In a recent BBC piece, “Why I Never Want Babies” (Aug 16, 2018), Simon Maybin speaks with South Korean women who are dead set against pregnancy.
He details a case where a South Korean woman informed her boss that she was pregnant, and was given more work as a result. The piling on of stress eventually culminated with her fainting, with a risk of miscarriage. Such lack of understanding in the workplace is commonplace in South Korea, and correlates with the national sexism problem.
Women are considered of secondary importance compared to men. Until recently, it was standard at company dinners for women to pour drinks for their male coworkers, taking on a subservient or even an entertainer-like role.
Women are also expected to fully care for their in-laws, as evidenced by a tradition widespread during the Korean equivalent of thanksgiving, Chuseok. During Chuseok, it is customary for the women of the family to cook and clean for the entire extended family, while the men relax. Many South Korean women hate this tradition, but feel they cannot do anything to change it.
With the birthrate as it stands now, South Korea is due for a dramatic drop in population by 2065. Only Singapore, Hong Kong, and Moldova have equally low birth rates: 1.4 children per family. (For reference, 2.1 is the replacement rate, where a population remains level).
The result of this phenomenon is the phrase “the Sampo Generation”. “Sam” means three in Korean, and the phrase represents the three things that the hardworking middleclass must give up in order to thrive: relationships, children, marriage.
It would appear that the Korean musical miracle which has energized much of Asia with its beats, lyrics and stories has failed to address one essential ingredient in its own romantic equation.
Having a child means taking off from your career, or otherwise being absent from much of your child’s life. And even if a parent is present, they must have enough money to support their children’s extra-curricular programs, math, music, sports, which are essential in Korea’s hyper-competitive workforce.
During my time teaching in South Korea, I heard first hand and endlessly about my students’ busy schedules. One of my fourth grade students didn’t just have regular school to attend daily, but also English after-school classes, soccer practice, and drum practice, on top of prodigious nightly homework.
It’s not uncommon for elementary school students to go to bed at 11 pm or midnight. They are being trained young, and the societal norm is to be hard working from a young age.
South Korea is headed towards a fate similar to that of Japan’s, where some small town primary schools are known to have only one child as a result of a low fertility rate. When a small country is booming, having children is the last thing on the minds of working woman. Instead, they are focused on maintaining their success and capitalizing on a professional model that works, albeit only for a few decades.
Settling down seems to be more of the issue than actual dating. During my time in South Korea, I observed many couples, often in matching outfits, on Seoul’s downtown streets. More than once, I was told single people don’t go out as much, and couples are seen out on the town more often.
Indeed, singles are more prone to stay at home or hang out with friends in private. I was also told that when two people enter into a relationship, they tend to only spend time with each other. But of course, this is prevalent in Western dating trends as well.
What differentiates the Korean dating scene from the Western is the fact that couples are either in inter-city relationships, or don’t have time during the week to meet because of work. Therefore, when they do get together, they spend the entire day together. This typically includes lunch, coffee, an activity, dinner, and then dessert.
Another difference between Korean and Western culture is the problem celebrities have publicly dating without excessive scrutiny. However, fans often speculate that dating is secretly happening all the time among people in the Korean entertainment industry. Celebrity couples rarely go public with their romantic status, because there are often consequences.
Contrary to the Western entertainment industry, dating is not something fans enjoy swooning over in Korea.
For example, just this month it was revealed that Hyuna, who could be called the Rihanna of South Korea, was dating E’Dawn, the lead rapper of the boy group, Pentagon. When the news was announced, many fan websites dedicated to E’Dawn immediately shut down, and 500 tickets for an upcoming Pentagon fan meeting concert were returned.
Shortly thereafter, E’Dawn was noticeably absent from events that Pentagon attended. Then came the news that he would be taking a hiatus from the group. Clearly, dating does have ramifications in the K-pop world.
Despite the realities of romance, K-pop style, it’s still the most marketable concept in mainstream entertainment. Ironically, people love watching or hearing about celebrities being in love.
In fact, there is a very popular TV show in Korea that is precisely about the wedded life of celebrities. Entitled “We Got Married”, the show selects two celebrities, and has them role-play as a married couple for a week. Perhaps the fake nature of this program is the reason audiences are OK with it, but it also goes to show there is more to Korean romance than a simple disliking of dating.
There is also a common concept in both the K-pop and Western music world called “shipping”, where fans pair up members who they think would make a cute real-life or even imaginary couple. These ships are often the inspiration behind fanfiction, which was once posted on forum websites, and is now popular on Tumblr among teenagers.
Even with all such shipping, daydreaming and living vicariously through imaginary romances, the reality is, Korean adults are less and less likely to get romantically involved or married, let alone have children.
As with any developed country, at a certain point, women start prioritizing their own career goals and achievements above all else. But, making money to support your family is still the underbelly of drives.
But not having children is bound to bang into another unstoppable Asian force. In most Asian families, attending to parental wishes is of the utmost importance, one of which is undoubtedly grandchildren. Turning to parents for council and direction is common, as opposed to the individualistic motivations or peer pressure more standard in the West.
The film “Crazy Rich Asians” grasps this notion completely: the “American” mindset is very focused on personal happiness, while the “Asian” mentality is to put others, specifically parents and family, before the self.
In my own family and culture, I have witnessed this time and time again. My father loved animals growing up, and was intent on majoring in zoology in college. However, his parents convinced him otherwise, stressing that he needed a major that would provide him with a job, like electrical engineering.
Being the good son that he is, he changed his major, but he didn’t like it. Still, this was the necessary sacrifice he believed he must take in repayment for all his parents had done to provide for him. He put his feelings and preferences aside out of respect for his parents.
It will be interesting to see where the future of Korea lies, especially if they will plateau on their success, or find more happy, balanced medium, in accord with the romantic dreams proselytized by their own, now very popular, musical art form.
Lauren Jiang, an entertainment and lifestyle journalist, was born and raised in the Bay Area and is passionate about strengthening community, expressing herself through performing arts, and Korean culture—indeed, she recently lived there for a year. Jiang can be reached .Posted on Sep 01, 2018 - 10:48 PM